In his book ‘When the body says no’ Dr. Gabor Maté proposes seven A’s of healing trauma: Acceptance, Awareness, Anger, Autonomy, Attachment, Assertion, Affirmation.
Acceptance
Acceptance means accepting all part of ourselves
When healing trauma we need to show compassion and curiousity towards ourselves. Especially when we are struggling. It does not mean liking everything we find, only that we look at it without judgement. Healing means becoming whole and so we need to accept all parts of ourselves. We want to meet ourselves with care and empathy.
Awareness
Being aware of what is going on inside physically and emotionally
If we want to be healthy we need to have awareness of our inner selves. That way we can protect from intrusion and stress. Unfortunately, many of us learn to detach from feeling our sensations in the body. Western society favors cognitive and verbal intelligence so body and emotions are often neglected.
Therefore, to heal from trauma we have to (re)gain awareness of our body and emotions. How does my body feel? What does it tell me? What are my signs of stress and exhaustion?
Emotional awareness means feeling what is going on inside and in our relationships. So we need to ask: How are my relationships on a deeper level?
Our body and our emotions have their own awareness of what is good for us. In order to become whole we must become aware of our own emotional truth.
Anger
The ability to feel and process anger in our body and being able to express it in a healthy way
Repressed anger is a risk factor for developing disease. Anger is an important emotion because it tells us when our boundaries have been violated or something feels uncomfortable. Anger helps us step up and communicate our needs and boundaries.
Many of us have never learned how to express anger in a healthy way. We either repress it or flare up with rage. But both repression and explosion are unhealthy ways of expressing anger that can damage our health and relationships. How, then, do we express anger in a healthy way?
We need to feel the anger in our body and acknowledge its existence. Then we can think about what has caused the anger. A boundary may have been violated or feelings may have been hurt. If we want, we can manifest the anger by confrontation or dialogue. We can also choose to let it go. The important part is that we have not repressed the emotion.
Autonomy
Development of an internal locus of control
If we want to become healthy we need to become an autonomous person. Illness, physical or mental, is a lifelong history of struggle for self, for individuation. Disease is a question of boundaries. People with the greatest risk of illness are the ones who experienced the most severe intrusion on their boundaries at a young age. This often happens because parents have not been taught healthy boundaries themselves and therefore struggle to establish them with their child.
Without boundaries the parent-child relationship becomes enmeshed. The child has a hard time establishing a sense of self and will likely experience boundary intrusion in their life. This can result in physical or mental health problems.
Boundaries are invisible. They are an internal sense of ‘me’ as an entity separate from others. When healing trauma we need to become autonomous individuals who know what we value, what we want and do not want.
Attachment
The ability to connect with others in a nurturing way
Many people grow up without healthy connections and without the feeling of being loved unconditionally. Lack of connection causes us to shut down and emotionally distance ourselves from others. This has a great cost on our health. We therefore need to regain the ability to be open and vulnerable with others. If we can closely connect to others we are on a good path to healing.
Assertion
The ability to BE without having to do or prove anything
Assertion means being ourselves without feeling that we have to justify our existence. We do not need to prove anything or have others validate us. We do not need to DO in order to BE. Assertion is a positive valuation of our self regardless of our achievements or our history. Every human being has value irrespective of their actions, personality or accomplishments.
Affirmation
Making a positive statement, moving towards something we value
If we want to heal we need to strive for something we value. Two basic values are important to help us heal and remain whole: Our creative self and universe itself.
Our creative self is the part of us that creates something new. That could be anything: art, music, writing, inventions at work, cooking, gardening or crafting something with our hands. The urge to create is part of every human being. Honoring that urge is a healing process in itself. Repressing it deadens our soul.
The second affirmation is our connection with the universe itself. To avoid feeling lonely and cut off we need to feel in contact with the world and with others. Connecting to the universe is a spiritual experience. It is a reminder that we are all part of the universe.
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We hope you found this helpful. To learn more about healing from trauma read our full article on Dr. Gabor Matés book When the body says no