What is generational trauma, and how do we break the cycle?

We explore the causes, symptoms and cure of generational trauma.

Families shape our behaviors, and they teach us both good and bad. When we talk about generational trauma, we talk about unhealthy patterns repeating across generations. Many of us have faced this and wondered, ‘How do we stop it?’

First, let’s talk about what ‘trauma’ means. The word comes from Greek and means ‘wound.’ In a person’s life, trauma is like a wound to the nervous system.

Too much stress, whether built up over time or happening in a single, dramatic event, can overwhelm the nervous system until it stops working well. The stress gets stuck in the nervous system, causing a trauma = a wound.

Children are especially sensitive to trauma because their nervous systems are still developing. An unhealthy emotional environment can be enough to cause trauma in a child.

Generational trauma happens when deep emotional problems are never dealt with. Often, no one talks about what’s wrong or even understands it, but family members keep struggling with their emotional and physical health, communication, and relationships.

Trauma symptoms

Trauma, including generational trauma, can show up in many ways. Most people with trauma experience several of these symptoms, though not all:

Emotional:

Anxiety
Depression or frequent feelings of hopelessness
Hypervigilance / being constantly on guard
Emotional numbness
Low self-esteem
Constant worry or feeling unsafe
Upsetting memories, flashbacks or nightmares
Frequent anger or irritability
Trouble managing emotions
Feeling disconnected from one’s body and surroundings
Feeling shame or guilt without reason
Perfectionism

Behavioral:

Substance abuse/misuse
Addictive behaviors like overworking, overeating, sex addiction, or gambling
Self-sabotage or risky actions
Trouble connecting with others
Unstable relationships
Avoiding intimacy
Avoiding triggering situations
Withdrawing from social life
Always needing to stay busy

Physical:

Chronic pain
Autoimmune diseases
High blood pressure
Weak immune system
Cancer
Unexplained headaches, muscle tension or stomach aches
Sleep issues
Clenched jaw
Hunched shoulders
Bowel problems like IBS

Trauma or just daily troubles?

All families have disagreements. So how do we know if it’s trauma and not just normal, everyday problems?

Unlike short-term family problems, generational trauma is an unhealthy emotional pattern that persists and doesn’t improve on its own.

To spot generational trauma, look for unhealthy behaviors or emotional reactions that keep happening. Family members might often feel angry, sad, or scared, have difficult relationships, or deal with anxiety, depression, or substance abuse.

Here’s an example:

In a family, the grandfather was physically and emotionally abused when he was young. To cope with the abuse, he hardened himself and hid his softer feelings. When he grew up, he remained that way. One day, he became a father himself, and he parented his son in a harsh and critical way because of his emotional wounds.

When his son grows up and becomes a father, he repeats the same harsh criticism with his own children. He believes being a good parent means showing ‘tough love’ because that’s what he learned from his father. But the criticism hurts his children’s self-esteem and well-being, making the family feel strict, critical, and cold.

The children in this family react differently. One becomes nervous and anxious, another turns to drugs or alcohol to cope with the stress, and another develops health problems like cancer or autoimmune disease from holding in all the anger and sadness.

If they don’t work on their trauma, they will pass it on to their children, creating another generation with mental and physical health problems. The cycle of trauma will keep going, as each generation repeats the dysfunction in one way or another.

This harms both individuals and society. Since a healthy society depends on healthy people, breaking the cycle of trauma helps us and the community as a whole.

Collective trauma

Collective trauma is a type of generational trauma that affects an entire group of people. It can come from big events like war, slavery, genocide, systemic oppression, or natural disasters. This trauma can be passed down to later generations, even if they weren’t directly involved in the event.

Many symptoms of collective trauma are similar to those of generational trauma described above. But unlike individual and family trauma, collective trauma also has a social aspect. It affects a whole group or culture that has gone through abuse or suffering and, as a result, often feels unsafe and mistrustful.

Healing is possible

So, how do we break the cycle? How can we heal from generational trauma?

To heal, we need to look at our family’s emotional wounds from the past and the present. We have to face the trauma that hasn’t yet been talked about. Generational trauma grows when it’s hidden or ignored, so facing it is the first step toward healing.

A good way to start is to write down family patterns or emotional reactions that keep coming up. This can show us what needs attention.

If you’re unsure whether your family’s problems are linked to trauma, ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel tense or anxious at family gatherings?
Are there topics in your family that everyone avoids?
Are there mental health issues, substance abuse, or dysfunctional relationships in your family?
Do you struggle with unhealthy relationships or attachment issues?
Are emotions minimized or ignored in your family?
Do you feel responsible for other people’s emotions?
Do you have a hard time setting boundaries without guilt?
Does your family have trouble communicating during conflicts?

These questions can help you spot unhealthy patterns, even if you don’t connect them to trauma at first.

If possible, try to have open and honest conversations with your family. Let everyone share their feelings. This can help bring hidden issues into light and build understanding. Family therapy is also a good way to create a safe space for everyone to talk.

Your family might not want to join you in exploring generational trauma. This can be tough, but you can still work on your own healing. You can try individual therapy or support groups to work through your own and your family’s challenges.

Talking to a therapist can help you understand trauma and how it affects your family. It’s normal to feel unsure, and learning about family dynamics often takes time.

You can learn more about generational trauma by reading books like ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel van der Kolk, ‘It Didn’t Start with You’ by Mark Wolynn, and ‘When the Body Says No’ by Gabor Maté.

Healing can take time and may feel complicated. Go at your own pace and do what feels right for you. Trust yourself, respect your boundaries, and above all, be kind to yourself.

❤️

Read our review on Gabor Matés book When the body says no and learn more about how generational trauma manifests in the body