What is generational trauma, and how do we break the cycle?

We explore the causes, symptoms and cure of generational trauma.

Families shape our behaviors, teaching us both good and bad habits. Generational trauma means unhealthy patterns that keep repeating across generations. Many of us have faced this and wondered, ‘how do we stop it?’

First, let’s explain what ‘trauma’ means. The word ‘trauma’ comes from Greek and means ‘wound’. In a person’s life, trauma is like a wound to the nervous system.

Too much stress, whether built up over time or happening in a single, dramatic event, can overwhelm the nervous system until it stops working well. The stress gets stuck in the nervous system, creating trauma – a kind of wound.

Children are especially sensitive to trauma because their nervous systems are still developing. An unhealthy emotional environment is enough to cause trauma in a child.

Generational trauma happens when deep emotional issues go unresolved. Often, no one talks about or even understands what is wrong, while family members struggle with their emotional and physical health, communication, and relationships.

Trauma or just daily troubles?

All families have disagreements. So how do we know if it’s trauma and not just normal, everyday problems?

Generational trauma is an unhealthy emotional pattern in a family. Unlike short-term issues, it sticks around and doesn’t resolve itself.

To recognize generational trauma, notice if unhealthy behaviors or emotional reactions keep showing up. For example, several family members might often feel angry, sad or afraid, have troubled relationships, or struggle with anxiety, depression, or substance abuse.

Here’s an example: Imagine a family where the grandfather went to war when he was young. To cope, he became tough and hid his softer feelings. Later, as a father, he parented his son in a harsh, critical, and demanding way because of his own emotional wounds.

When the son grows up and becomes a father, he repeats the same harsh criticism with his own children. He thinks being a good parent means showing ‘tough love,’ but his criticism hurts his children’s self-esteem and emotional health. The family feels strict, critical, and cold.

The children in this family react differently. One becomes nervous and anxious, another turns to drugs or alcohol, and yet another develops health problems like cancer or autoimmune disease from years of bottled-up anger and sadness. If they don’t work on their trauma, they will pass it on to yet another generation. The cycle of emotional abuse and neglect continues. Each generation repeats the dysfunction in one way or another.

Healing is possible

So, how do we break this cycle? How can we heal from generational trauma?

To heal, we need to look at our family’s emotional wounds, both past and present. Talking about these problems helps us feel, understand, and work through them. Generational trauma grows when it’s hidden or ignored. Facing it instead of denying it is the first important step toward healing.

A good way to start is to write down family patterns or emotional reactions you notice happening again and again. This can help you see what needs attention.

If you’re unsure whether your family’s problems are linked to trauma, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you feel tense or anxious at family gatherings?

• Are there topics everyone avoids?

• Do some relatives make you feel strong negative emotions?

• Are there mental health issues, substance abuse problems, or dysfunctional relationship patterns in your family?

• Do you struggle with unhealthy relationships or attachment issues?

• Do you often feel anxious, depressed, emotionally numb, detached, hypervigilant, angry, shameful, or guilty without a clear cause?

These questions can help you notice unhealthy patterns, even if you don’t connect them to trauma at first.

If you can, try to have open and honest talks with your family. Let everyone share their feelings. This can help bring hidden issues to light and build understanding. Family therapy is also a good option. It provides a safe space for everyone to talk.

Sometimes, your family might not want to join in exploring generational trauma. This can be tough, but you can still work on your healing. You can try individual therapy or support groups to work through your own and your family’s issues.

Talking to a therapist can help you understand trauma and how it affects your family. It’s normal to feel unsure, and learning about family dynamics usually takes time.

You can also try self-help books or join online communities. Some popular books are ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel van der Kolk, ‘It Didn’t Start with You’ by Mark Wolynn, and When the body says no by Gabor Maté. Online spaces like Reddit’s r/CPTSD or HealthUnlocked forums can also offer helpful peer support.

Healing is often a complex process that takes time. Go at your own pace and choose what works best for you. Trust your instincts, respect your boundaries, and most importantly, be gentle with yourself.

Read our review on Gabor Matés book When the body says no and learn more about how generational trauma manifests in the body